| 1. |
The
female always makes the rules. |
| 2. |
No
male can possibly know all of the rules. |
| 3. |
If
the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must
immediately change some or all of the rules. |
| 4. |
The
female is never wrong. |
| 5. |
If
the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding
which was a direct result of something the male did or said
wrong, or the female suspects that the male did or said wrong.
|
| 6. |
If
Rule 5 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing
the misunderstanding. |
| 7. |
The
female may change her mind, at any time, for any reason.
|
| 8. |
The
male may never change his mind without prior written consent
of the female. |
| 9. |
The
female has every right to be angry or upset at any time, for
no apparent reason, and must not give any explanation to the
male. |
| 10. |
The
male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants
him to be angry or upset. |
| 11. |
The
female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether
she wants him to be angry or upset. |
| 12. |
Any
male who questions or alters the rules shall immediately become
impotent. |
| 13. |
The
male is expected to read a woman's mind at all times.
|
| 14. |
If
the female cries, the argument is over and she wins.
|
| 15. |
Yes
means no; no means yes. |
| 16. |
Never
prove her wrong. |
| 17. |
Never
answer unanswerable questions, such as "Honey, do you think
I'm getting fat?" |
| 18. |
If
you choose to ignore Rule 17, never use the word "Fine" to answer
a question such as "Honey, how do I look?" |
| 19. |
If
she says one thing, and means another, it is up to you to determine
what she really meant. |
| 20. |
If
the female has PMS, all rules are null and void. |
| 21. |
PMS
really stands for Punish My Spouse (or Significant Other)."
|
| 22. |
What's
yours is hers, and what's hers is hers. |
| 23. |
Never
look at another woman, no matter how attractive. |
| 24. |
When
watching TV, never, ever look at an attractive woman. If your
wife catches you doing so, immediately excuse yourself and go
make yourself a sandwich. |
| 25. |
When
she asks for your advice, she really doesn't intend for you
to give it. |
| 26. |
No
job is as hard as that of a homemaker. |
| 27. |
Never
tell your wife how to drive, or attempt to show her how to golf.
|
| 28. |
Always
end an argument with the following four magical words: "Honey,
you were right." |
| 29. |
If
you compliment someone else's cooking in her presence, you are
indirectly insulting her. |
| 30. |
Taking
out the trash is a man's job, even if the man has been on a
ten-day business trip. |
| 31. |
If she's watching her favorite TV show, she shall not be disturbed.
If you are watching yours, she may disturb you at any time,
even during the Super Bowl. |
| 32. |
It
is O.K. for you to meet your wife's old boyfriends, but under
no circumstances is it O.K. for her to meet your old girlfriends.
|
| 33. |
Business
travel, no matter how important, is actually, according to her,
your excuse to get away. |
| 34. |
If
she starts the argument, you lose. If you start the argument,
you lose. |
| 35. |
No
matter how late you are, never tell a woman to hurry up. When
the woman is ready to go, however, have the car started.
|
| 36. |
It
is O.K. for a woman to snore, but not for a man. |
| 37. |
If
the man gets on the computer for more than two minutes, he is
avoiding his husbandly and/or fatherly duties, even if the woman
bought said computer for the man for Christmas, and he is an
accountant working out of his home. |
| 38. |
If
a man smokes a cigar within 100 feet of his house, he is deliberately
trying to kill his family with secondhand smoke. |
| 39. |
Don't
notice her morning breath when she tries to kiss you.
|
| 40. |
If
a woman discusses a problem she is having, never give her a
solution. |
| 41. |
Never
wake the woman with a question that begins with "Did you" or
"Have you." |
| 42. |
Never
know your wife's weight or age, and if you do, you must never
divulge them to anyone. |
| 43. |
If
a woman asks you what movie you want to see, think carefully
and reply, "You choose, honey." |
| 44. |
Regarding
the right way to hang the toilet roll: the woman's way is the
right way. It is the man's job to replace the roll, and he must
never leave less than twelve inches remaining on the roll.
|
| 45. |
When
she returns from shopping, never ask for a receipt. If she decides
to tell you how much she spent, add 35-50% to insure rough accuracy.
|
| 46. |
If
you comment on her new dress, and she says, "Oh, this old thing,"
never challenge the statement. |
| 47. |
Every
woman has "The Look" which, roughly translated, means "How can
you be so stupid?" |
| 48. |
Never,
ever say "Well, what do you want me to do?" or "Well, what do
you want me to say?" |
| 49. |
Not
only is the female always right, the female's mother is always
right. Therefore, never, under any circumstances, criticize
the female's mother. |
| 50. |
The
rules are subject to change at any time without any prior notification.
|