The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy--Not So Vast

by Larry Elder

First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton fingers the root cause of her husband's difficulties--the "vast right wing conspiracy." In demanding equal rights for all, Martin Luther King once asked and answered, "How long? Not long." Well, given the credit/blame attributed to the VRWC, let us ask, "How vast?"

Despite the conspirators' unlimited clout, power, and money, the VRWC failed to stop:
  • The mainstream media's near-blackout of the Paula Jones case, until safely after President Clinton's re-election.
  • The Arkansas judge's complete dismissal of the Paula Jones lawsuit.
  • The election and re-election of a liberal president, and an even more liberal vice-president.
  • More government involvement in healthcare, including mandates that hospitals keep women for 48 hours after giving birth; as well as the expansion of the Family and Medical Leave Act.
  • A federal minimum wage hike (which, by the way, causes job losses among minorities, teens, and single moms.)
  • A federal income tax hike.
  • The non-closure of a single cabinet, whether Department of Education, Commerce, or Energy.
  • The creation of thousands of taxpayer-paid "volunteers."
  • A welfare reform bill that, depending upon the state, allows for huge exemptions; as well as welfare-to-work benefits denied to the so-called "working poor."
  • The continued bludgeoning of the tobacco industry as states piling tax increases on tax increases (never mind that taxpayers actually "save" money for every dying smoker.
  • The retention of virtually every single federal Affirmative Action program, despite Supreme Court rulings narrowing the applicable race and gender-based preferences.
  • The Supreme Court rulings confirming the principle of first trimester abortion on demand.
  • The expansion of government at all levels--federal, state, and local--making the government income grab, at 38%, the largest in our nation's history.
  • The failure of media to properly cover Travelgate, Filegate, White House fundraising shenanigans, Whitewater, missing billing records, missing audio from the White House fundraising tapes.
  • A new news editor at CNN who instructed his staff to avoid using the term "scandal" on stories about White House fundraising improprieties.
  • The refusal of government to own up to the funding crises in Social Security and Medicare.
  • The firing of editor Michael Kelly from the liberal/moderate "New Republic" allegedly for too many hard-hitting stories on ethical problems in the Clinton administration.
  • The refusal of Attorney General Janet Reno to appoint an independent counsel to investigate Vice President Al Gore's alleged fundraising improprieties.
  • The investigation and fining of House Speaker (and card-carrying VRWC member) Newt Gingrich for ethical violations.
  • Deval Patrick, head of the Justice Department Civil Rights Division, as well as his successor Bill Lann Lee, both race-and-gender-based preference huggers.
  • The reduction of military spending and size, including a nearly 40% reduction (400,000) of ground troops.
  • The IRS audit of Clinton sexual harassment accuser Paula Jones; as well as the use of the IRS against Dolly Kyle Browning, who says she had a decade-long affair with Clinton; and the apparent use of IRS audits against "conservative" groups.
  • The V-chip.
  • The Brady Bill and the continuous restrictions on assault-style weapons.
  • The "voluntary" television rating system.
  • The traveling "dialogue on race," the better that we may all get in touch with our inner bigot.
  • The post-Monica Lewinsky approval rating of nearly 70%, an all-time high for a president at this stage in a second term.

In the prison movie "The Shawshank Redemption," Tim Robbins asked Morgan Freeman whether Freeman did, in fact, commit the crime that landed him behind bars. Freeman's response was something like, "We're all innocent. We just had bad lawyers."

And John F. Kennedy was killed by a murderous cabal, including the FBI, the CIA, Fidel Castro, the Mafia and the military.

According to Sean Lennon, son of Beatle John, the government killed his father. Sean said his dad was a "pacifist revolutionary," and therefore a threat to the government. Since Mark Chapman killed John Lennon in 1980, this means President Jimmy Carter lead the government conspiracy. Indictment to follow.

James Earl Ray did not kill Martin Luther King, despite Ray's fingerprints on the rifle. Sirhan Sirhan did not kill Robert Kennedy, despite numerous witnesses, as well as Sirhan's apprehension on the scene. And, of course, the CIA put drugs in the inner city courtesy of black helicopters.

So let's indict the VRWC. Not for partisan attacks, but for gross incompetence. The VRWC makes the Keystone Kops look like Desert Storm. Crooks like this pull a bank heist while carrying ID, drop their wallets at the crime scene, then run out of gas during the car chase. They couldn't spell "cat," if you spotted them the "c" and the "a." The Lord said, "Brain," they thought He said "Train" and asked for a slow one.

How vast is the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy? Answer: Not vast. In fact, I'm so disappointed, I quit.

 
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page modified: August 30, 1999